Maternal Wellness

Every other mom on the playground seems so happy…

Leslie S.*, age 44

As I look around the playground, all the other moms seem so happy. I watch them cheerfully pushing their children on the swings or hanging out and sharing the latest recipes and home decorating trends.

After all the years as an “older single,” and then the years of fertility treatments, I’m finally a wife and a mom.

Everyone around me is thrilled – so why not ME?

I’ve always tried to be the best at everything I did: graduating at the top of my class in business school, the youngest woman to become a vice president at my company. I’ve always had my act together, but I look down at this tiny baby – and feel like I’m falling apart.

When the baby cries, I’m reminded only of my incompetence as a mother.

I don’t enjoy holding my daughter. I don’t enjoy life anymore.

Though I go through the motions, I’m emotionally numb.

After all those years of praying to be a mom, all the struggles with fertility treatments, after waiting so long, how can I not be happy?

How could I possibly let anyone know how badly I’m hurting inside?

Aviva D.*, age 26

All the other women in my community have it under control – spotless homes; wholesome, home-cooked meals; fresh-baked challah every week; lots of holiday guests.

I used to be like that.

But ever since my fourth child was born, I cannot seem to get things together. Grocery shopping is completely overwhelming; I cannot handle it anymore.

All I want to do is sleep. Even the simple act of getting dressed in the morning is an enormous chore.

I feel like everyone and everything is spinning all around me, and I can’t seem to catch my breath. I cry a lot these days, and, sometimes, I don’t even know why.

I can’t stop this nagging feeling that something is wrong with the baby – I can’t sleep because I get up frantically to check on him.

My husband doesn’t understand – he doesn’t even know what to do with me. None of my sisters or sisters-in-law seems to struggle as I do.

I have a good life, the life I wanted, the life I was brought up to live. Yet, I can’t seem to get a grasp on things.

As a Rabbi’s daughter, I can’t tell anyone that I can’t handle having another baby. I don’t understand what is going on – or how I got to this point.

What’s wrong with me?

Sometimes, it feels like everyone but you are excelling at this motherhood thing.

They all seem to be having the time of their lives!

Surrounded by pregnancy, new mothers, and babies everywhere – you can’t escape.

It’s hard to look at all the postings on social media – you don’t know how much longer you’re going to be able to keep up that fake smile.

Feelings of inadequacy overtake you as you hold your newborn – completely lacking that sense of awe and attachment.

This isn’t what you’d dreamed it would be…

Whether you had to experience the too often unspoken and unrecognized grief and pain of pregnancy loss –

Or you’re currently struggling with infertility issues – feeling like life is passing you by, as you are still coping with the frustration of the endless medical treatment as you watch your friends have kids –

And as you watch those kids getting bigger and bigger, milestone after milestone – and you are still motherless…

Maybe you received an unexpected medical diagnosis that came down like a ton of bricks – shattering your reality,

Possibly, you’ve realized your marriage isn’t as solid as you thought, and now with a tiny baby in tow, you feel more alone than ever.

Appearance and reality couldn’t be further apart.

The nightmare of your pain has almost completely overshadowed your dream of motherhood. Cradling your newborn – tears of agony and exhaustion stinging your eyes – you no longer feel like yourself.

You did everything you could do to prepare – you thought you were ready for this.

Sometimes, you have these uncontrollable waves of emotion, feeling anxious and cannot stop worrying about your baby,

There are times that you burst into tears, and you don’t even know why

Feeling guilty for not being the mother that you feel that you should be.

But you’re not alone.

Things are not always how they appear on the outside.

Many moms out there are struggling in silence – their tears are not the tears of joy.

Leslie’s and Aviva’s stories are far from unique!

Postpartum Depression (PPD) affects one in every ten women, regardless of age, socio-economic status, or whether it is a woman’s first or seventh child. No woman should ever be ashamed to reach out for help. Having a baby – whether you’re a first-time mom or the mother of a large family is a life-changing event.

While a new baby is one of the biggest blessings, it can also be challenging. The stress of such a life-changing event – combined with the hormonal changes in a woman’s body – can lead to experiences similar to those described by the women above.

And you can overcome this.

If Leslie and Aviva could take that first brave step toward getting help, so can you.

Like them, you can learn to have realistic expectations of your capabilities.

We’ll work together to manage your anxiety and change your mindset so you can conquer feelings of being overwhelmed and depressed.

You can learn the importance of self-care and discover better ways to make use of existing support systems.

I’m here for you, too…

Let me walk you through the journey of motherhood, to find yourself and strengthen your family. Call me at (973) 798-8680.

*Names have been changed to preserve client confidentiality.